*This post is a special note to myself, a reminder that my job is not to be Little Miss Sunshine ALL the time, but more accurately sometimes the clearest joy is in continuing on.
So what if I need to get things done—like go to my job so I can keep making money to pay for my housing, food, bills. I feel resentful that I have bills at all sometimes.
And sometimes, laying low doesn’t mean keeping a low profile and not seeing others; sometimes it means laying low inside my own consciousness.
How do I lay low inside my own consciousness, but not necessarily out in the world? Over the last five weeks or so, this looks like making sure I go to every class and participate, handing in all my assignments on time, going to work when I’m scheduled, and even keeping up with friends (albeit bare minimum at times).
I gave myself permission to create a safe container (something I’m learning more about at Southwestern College). This is a place where I can gently place the things I’m working on—internal issues—until I’ve created to outer space to safely bring them forward.
I’ve learned this does not mean a life absent of joy, but sometimes things do feel muted.
I’ve learned that this is ok, especially as I trust the process more and more. In doing so, I bring forward or open to even more joy than I had access to before.
And in closing, I invite you to listen to a song by one of my favorite bands, Fun: Carry On.
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